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RSSTatz Bakes His Way Into Billions
Doug Tatz is finally realizing a life-long dream: waking up everyday at 4am to bake cakes.
“I’ve always loved to wake up early,” remarked Tatz while shooting clay pigeons in Los Alamos, “and I’ve always loved to bake cakes. And one day I just realized that the two fit.”
And how did he realize it?
“When I walked into a bakery and asked the baker what time he had to get up every day for work.”
But will this new calling impede his Rollerchairball playing?
“Unfortunately, yes. I’ll have to spend most of my time here at the bakery, seeing as how I don’t trust any of my employees, that is, employee, that is, uhh, Mike Barone.”
But won’t that let Wood surpass you in the rankings?
“Well, Wood will pass me eventually. It’s just a matter of time. Sooner rather than later, I always say.”
And how is the business running so far?
“Pretty well. Brandon Lock has asked me to cater the dessert portion of his upcoming Block Mansion Christmas party. He’s asking for about 200,000 cakes, which, at my reduced fee for a RCB legend will put his bill at about $2.4 billion. Which I think is pretty reasonable, seeing as how he insists the cake flour be mixed with actual flecks of gold. He wants the cake to reflect in the strobe lights.”
But won’t an ingredient like that effect the way the guests feel the day after?
“That’s exactly what I said to Lock. But all he said was, ‘If you remember the day after, let alone feel good the day after, then you didn’t go to a Block Party.’”
Currently, Doug Tatz’s bakery does not have a name, but he said he is willing to entertain suggestions, preferably ones made in the comment section of this article.
Discuss this article here.
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