Suzanne Goes Greene

Like most ladies playing Rollerchairball today, Suzanne Hirsel has elected to go under the tutelage of one of the leagues most controversial masters – Taylor Greene.

“To say I’ve made a mistake would be a mistake,” said Suzanne via satellite from her 5-million-dollar-a-month condo atop the Empire State Building. “In fact, saying I’ve decided to dedicate my Rollerchairball life to Taylor Greene would be correct to say it is correct. I don’t want to sound confusing, but it would be confusing not to say I was studying under Taylor Greene, since to not do so would be confusing.”

For clarification, Suzanne continued: “You see, if I weren’t seeing, on the court, what Taylor Greene wants me to see, then I would only be seeing what I want to see, which usually ends up being what my opponents want to see, which is me not seeing what the referees see. That’s Taylor’s first lesson: always see what the referees see and then you’ll know when you’re out of their seeing.”



When this reporter asked Suzanne what good it is to be out of the referee’s seeing, she responded: “When you are unseen is when you can cheek and the one who cheeks unseen will remain in their chair, for it is in seeing that referees make calls. This is Taylor’s second lesson, that calls can only be made by seeing and calling without seeing is impossible for Stout or Wood.”

Not all female players have joined with Greene’s philosophy and some call it downright heresy. Bri Stout explains: “Greene is a Rollerchairball gnostic. Her chairology is nothing but fancy word repititions designed to dazzle and confound the new player into believing she has some sort of secret Rollerchairball knowledge. The truth is all Greene is doing is convincing future opponents to cheat and get caught by the refs so she can win and move up in the rankings.”

Greene’s office was contacted for comment and had this to say: “Miss Greene cares nothing for rankings and is only interested in educating new players to be the best players they can be. She is thrilled to be able to impart whatever knowledge she can to those who want to learn and she will be happy to answer any questions you have of her, as long as you submit them in writing, and allow 10 to 60 years for a reply.”



An investigation is currently underway by the league’s top chairologists into the substance of Greene’s teachings.

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Posted on November 17th, 2007 by Wood and filed under Wood's Corner |

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