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Rollerchairball Better Than Football, Survey Says
As of this morning, 97% of surveys sent out to millions of Americans were returned. And the results were not surprising.
“What we see is an overall shift in the sports paradigm of our country,” said Brandon Lock in a phone interview from his ranch in Dillon, Montana. “People are tired of the steroids, the astroturf, and the strange giant fork you have to kick a ball through.”
Although not all surveys have been fully analyzed due to the sometimes lengthy essays provided by some, the message is clear–the people want Rollerchairball.
“I’ve been glancing over a lot of the essays,” said Kyle Stout from a text-message interview from an undisclosed Japanese steakhouse, “and what I’m seeing is a disgust with what typical American sports are giving us. People want honesty, integrity, and taunting of the proper kind, not rough language and the occasional pile-on.”
When asked what sample of the population was given the survey, Mr. Stout replied, “The right sample.”

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